DISPUTE RESOLUTION

Many of us in the legal profession are proud to be involved in dispute resolution, and we all know that it can be truly gratifying when we successfully assist our clients in resolving their disputes. In addition, it turns out, these skills and talents can be taught to others, bringing harmony and gratification to our friends and neighbors. So here are some tips and approaches that I have found to be successful in my dispute resolution efforts:

 For example, if someone’s leg was broken in a collision with a drunk driver, the solution would be not to have that person’s leg broken, which is not possible.  So there is only the imperfect but achievable resolution of having that driver pay the victim a certain amount of money.  Similarly in disputes among family members, business partners, etc. the solution would be to turn the clock back sometimes many years and have honest, full and meaningful discussions about the issues.  But, since that is not possible, they only now have imperfect resolutions to reach agreements and put the disputes to rest.  In other words, help them to make a business decision.

So, to use a baseball analogy, they will give up their ability to hit a home run, because the other side will not agree with that result, But they will also give up the outcome to strike out, because they will not agree with that result. So a compromise “ground rule double” is almost always the result. But then the matter will be resolved and they can get on with their lives free of this dispute, which is often “devoutly to be wished.”

Calling the other party a liar, cheater or thief, etc., will only keep meaningful negotiations from being able to take place.

So try to get the history out in the open and be receptive to it without being judgmental. For example, ask the question “How do you think the other person felt when such and such a thing happened?” That will help everyone humanly to reflect upon the other person’s situations without being combative.

And be creative in offering possible resolutions including, if appropriate, giving the other person a sincere apology. But never encourage hypocrisy by suggesting an apology if they don’t mean it!

Or often some healing can occur if the two parties go out to lunch together in places that they would be seen by their other friends, so people would see that things were now better between them.

But be careful to avoid potentially offensive topics. (For example, stay away from issues involving race, gender, sexual situations and politics!)

Often this reality is enough to put people on the road to resolution – and it can be deeply gratifying to have done so! Try it, and you’ll see!